Working as a teacher in a Christian school is really a double edged sword. There's a real risk of falling into a complacent place. In the back of mind I have caught myself saying, "You're doing okay. You're a Christian teacher in a Chrisitan school. You do this stuff full time!" But the truth of the matter is Judas was a disciple. He walked, talked, ate, MINISTERED, and worked day in and day out with Christ. You can stand in a garage all day long, but that won't make you a car.
I'm thankful that the Spirit has awakened this awareness in me though. I catch myself using this "safe" language to justify my spiritual life. But I have a longing that keeps surfacing. My contentment has become discontentment. I want to go somewhere where no one knows me and minister. I want to reach out and touch somone in need not because those around me expect it, but because I am simply a represetative of the King. I want my right hand not to know what my left hand is doing. I want God to receive all the glory for any good that I can bring to another's life. I have spent most of my Christian life robbing God of that glory, claiming good deeds in my own name.
I wrote that many months ago, long before I went to Ukraine and saw things there. I've been burdened in the last few months to examine my understanding of the role of the Christian in the world. What does it mean to serve God? When I returned from Ukraine, I felt recentered. I was afraid that I was experiencing what I'll call a "mission high". You know, that feeling you get during and following a mission trip. You feel motivated, moved, quite frankly, you FEEL. Then you come home and your life swallows you back up. Before you know it, the trip is a small album of photos and a fond memory. I'm saying these things because this is my experience.
So as I'm reflecting on this phenomenon, I realize that the issues with the orphans I encountered in Ukraine haven't left me. And I'm not referring to Kristina. I'm thinking of ministry to orphans around the world, here in Central Florida to Africa. The need and the pain of these children is with me constantly. And so I wonder, what is my obligation to them? In fact, what is my obligation to anyone? What has God called me to do? What does it mean to serve God?
I started to bounce these ideas off others in my life. And you know what happened? Some of them became angry with me. Some of them tried to convince me I was already doing everything I was supposed to do. I was taken aback by the response. I tried to communicate that I was seeking answers, not attempting to judge. Am I truely overthinking this? But something tells me there is so much more to be done. Am I okay with the possibility that this may not be agreeable to those around me? Even those who are Christians? I suppose I have to be. If God is calling me to something or if He is simply reminding me of what I should have been doing all along, I am thankful for the message.
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i affirm your questions because i have to ask myself the same ones. i don't like the answers i see when i look at my life.... complacency, appathy, boredom. i struggle with how to be a good mom - which is what i am supposed to be doing - but i think that my family is here to serve the community around me - not the community (or the church) to serve my family. i am not sure how to do that: serve my neighbor, serve my church, serve my husband & family, and serve the least of these all in the name of serving my king. let me know when you figure it out (wink, wink).....
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