Ukraine Bound

I will hurry, without lingering, to obey your commands.
-Psalms 119:60

It's official. I have permission for the time off from work and I have confirmed my spot on the trip. The flight ticket is being purchased as I write. Part of me is giddy and part of me is terrified. I told the children for the first time as soon as I hung up the phone. Samuel had the biggest grin on his face and shouted to the others, "Mom's going to be a missionary! Mom's going to be a missionary!" I was so proud of him at that moment. He was so happy that I was going to minister to children on the other side of the world. He never once thought to protest and complain about my second international trip in a two month span. He was okay with sharing his mom. I have the best family in the world. They are truly selfless when it comes to the convenience of having me around. Of course, I'm probably not as necessary of a fixture as I think I am!
So I need to put together my itinerary at this point. The director is allowing me to choose where I want to go and what I want to do. The need is so great everywhere that there's really no priority areas. He spoke to me about orphanage #3 that houses infants up to four year olds. And then there's Orphanage #9 that is home to toddlers 3-6 years old. I can also visit the orphanages that are home to older orphans. How strange a decision this is. There are babies and toddlers that need to be held, rocked, changed, fed, played with. There are teenagers that need to hang out and connect. Where do I begin and how will I know how to reach their needs? I am sure I'm being too romantic about all of this. I will probably spend the week washing dishes or cleaning, and that would be okay too.

Thought for the Day: Sky Diving

Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.
- James 4:14
If I ever went sky diving (and mind you, I wouldn't) I wouldn't want the time from when I leap from a perfectly good plane to the time I reach blessed earth to be typified by the typical sky diving reaction: screaming. Yet I feel like that's how I spent a lot of my life. I've spent time worried about where I'm at, how I got there, am I prepared,and I've missed most of the scenery. What's the point of going through life if you're not going to experience the exhilaration, the scenery, and the beauty of just having life? The truth is, we're all rushing towards the same destination. Why not enjoy the adventure?

Baby Steps Towards Ukraine

"Examine me, O LORD, and try me;
Test my mind and my heart."
-Psalms 26:2

So I submitted my request for time off April 29-May 7. All the details aren't clear yet, but I am moving forward in faith. Isn't that the essence of faith though? We are called to obey the voice of God when things aren't spelled out for us; when we feel unprepared, unwilling, or uninspired.

God calls us to do things sometimes just to see us obey. Does that sound farfetched? He called Abraham to do something that seemed utterlessly pointless, even absurd. Lessons in obedience are part of our relationship with God. I don't know how I will make things work to spend a week in the Ukraine. I'm not sure how I will cover the $3000.00 to finance the trip. But the truth of the matter is, I may not even go on this trip. God may simply be asking me to obey and not question His instructions. And He expects me to move without grumbling, complaining, or whining. While I am preparing myself daily for the possibility of traveling to Eastern Europe, I am also seeking peace for however God works out the details.

I Can't Bear to Look

"No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God"
-Luke 9:62
There's a reason I didn't see The Passion of the Christ when it came to theatres. Everyone I knew was going; many of them with positive things to say about the film. The honest truth is I seriously consider going, but I know me.

I took the children to see The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe when it came out. I sat in the darkness of that theatre and wept. It was unbearable to watch Aslan as he was humiliated, tormented, and murdered. Even a fictional representation was too much for me. I feel the weight of my unworthiness and the incredible price that was paid on my behalf when I read of the crucifixion. Watching it is simply too much to bear. So for that reason, I haven't watched The Passion.

I have been circling around the possibility of traveling to Eastern Europe to work in an orphanage. Wouldn't you know, the opportunity has presented itself. I spoke with a mission director last night and he expressed his hope that I would travel to the orphanages he serves. Not because I have any special gifts or talents. Believe me, I know who I am! He recognizes my common spirit in a desire to reach these lost children. And so now I am faced with a choice. Do I go? I don't know a single person and I don't speak the language. I've never been to this area of the world. I will need to inconvenience my family, my students, and my peers. But let's be honest, those are just excuses. Like the disciples in Luke 9:57-62 who are called by Christ to follow. They were full of excuses as to why they wanted to but couldn't. None of these was acceptable to Christ. He called them "unfit". Is that what I'm doing?

I talked to K about the trip today and she said something that really hit home for me. "Leslie, will you be alright? Can you handle it?" And I found myself faced with what I think is the true issue. Can I bear to look into the faces of these children and minister despite my own weaknesses? It's the same excuse for not watching The Passion. I know there will be tremendous pain and heartache in the things I see. Of course it's not an acceptable excuse.